hold on tight

hold on tight

if you believe that you have found the right one for you, fight for it… and never let it go.

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why do relationships fail?

what the hell is wrong? why do some relationships end up failing?

as a person who is currently in a relationship, I always wonder why people break up? Did they choose it? Or was it because those two people were not really meant for each other? I am always afraid to answer this question because I might not be able to answer exactly why when I would be questioned such as this “why did you two break up? “what happened?”

One of the trending topics on Twitter was the #whyrelationshipsfail. I clicked on it and found a mix of serious and funny reasons. In this post, I would try to analyze some of the answers of the Twitter users, and let’s just pass on the hilarious ones.

Twitter user #1: one person stops putting in the effort and then bam

Who is the one to be blamed here? I say we cannot immediately pinpoint it to men since they always say that men starts to show so much effort in the start but later on, when they get what they want or as time passes by, they stop. But what if the reason was because the woman started to show little affection? What if she was out there neglecting his small efforts because the man started to think bigger and he’s not just the romeo-like or the one who always try to woo his girl but he is busy doing efforts for the both of them? What if he wanted all the nice things for her so that someday she would live a happy and comfortable life even if he was gone?

If people really loved their partner, they would take a look deeper on why their partner do some things. They should continue on showing efforts even if they are of the smallest thing because they say that it’s the thought that counts. Grown up couples know that relationships are not purely based on the chocolates, flowers, teddy bears, or grand showcase of love, but in mutual understanding, respect, and love.

Twitter user #2: because nowadays, everyone lies, cheats, and play games. No one wants to commit and be true. 

This is true… but not totally. There are still some people out there who remain loyal and faithful. They are too busy trying to maintain the relationship because its what they want when they grow old and they are contented already with the person. They are afraid to leave their partners because they believe they might not get the same quality of relationship again. They are too busy trying to reach their goals for themselves, for their family and for their future family. Cheating just don’t have a place in their mind. They firmly think that this will just lead to stressful and painful times.

But I would not argue that this not exist. Because it does! That’s why in the Philippines, there are lot of television shows and movies that involve third parties. They really click and grab the attention of the nation. Maybe because its prevalent? I don’t know. There are really stupid people out there who take on for granted their partners and love not more than they have loved before but more than one person. It’s simple. If you don’t love him or her anymore, just tell it to them. You won’t be a better person if you have many paramours.

Twitter user #3: People allow their insecurities and jealousy to get in their way.

This applies to all. We are all insecure and it is in our nature to get jealous. We are insecure because of what we see in our society. Society has ruined the true meaning of beauty equating it to good looks or the money we have in the bank. We are naturally jealous because we do not want to share to others what we have. We are protective by nature. We feel threatened when someone tries to get the people we have.

Personally, I was a really insecure boyfriend. For me, she was a goddess. My girl would really qualify to be in line with beautiful Greek goddesses. And there was I, a very plain type of guy. I was a nobody. I did not know how to love myself. I neglected myself thinking that no one would date me. I overcame this when she made me realize that I should feel more confident and love myself more. She said that what others think do not matter. She loves me for the real me and not what the society dictates on what type of guy she should go out with.

It really takes for the partner to bring out the best in you and boost your confidence. You should totally work them out. Your insecurities with other people could really bring down the relationship if left unattended.

As for jealousy, both men and women should really learn how to trust. They have to build that but trust was never as simple as “I trust you.” Even if he or she says that, trust me, there is really a little lie on that. That is why both of the partners should learn on how to make them feel secured. They should definitely clear it out that the people we interact with are just plain people in our lives. They are not as special as the ones we love.

Story of Appreciation

One young academically excellent person went for an interview for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview; BUT in that Company, the director did the last interview, and made the final decision.
The director discovered from the CV, that the youth’s academic result was excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never was there a year he did not score. The director asked,
“Did you obtain any scholarship in school?” and the youth answered “no”.
The director asked,” Did your father pay your school fees?”. The youth answered, “my father passed away when I was one year old and it was my mother who paid my school fees”.
The director asked, ” Where did your mother work?”
The youth answered, “my mother worked as cloth cleaner.”
The director requested the youth to show his hands and the youth showed a pair of hands that was smooth and perfect to the director.
The director asked, ” Did you ever help your mother wash clothes before?”
The youth answered,” never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother could wash clothes faster than I could”
The director said, I have a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother’s hand, and then see me tomorrow morning.
The youth felt that the chance of landing the job was high and when he went back, he happily wanted to clean his mother’s hands. His mother felt strange. With happiness mixed with fear, she showed her hands to the kid.
The youth cleaned his mother’s hands slowly and his tears fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother’s hands were so wrinkled, and that there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that she shuddered when his mother’s hands were cleaned with water.
This is the first time that the youth realized and experienced that it is this pair of hands that washed the clothes every day to earn him the school fees and that the bruises in the mother’s hand were the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future.
After finishing the cleaning of his mother’s hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.
That night, the mother and son talked for a very long time.
Next morning, the youth went to the director’s office.
The director noticed the tear in the youth’s eye and asked:
” Can you tell me what you did and learned yesterday in your house?”
The youth answered, ” I cleaned my mother’s hands and also finished washing all the remaining clothes.’
The director asked, ”Please tell me what you felt.”
The youth said:
“Number 1, I know what appreciation is now’. Without my mother, I would not be successful today.
Number 2, Now I know how to work together with my mother. Only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I know the importance and value of family relationship.”
The director said, “This is what I want. I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the suffering of others to get things done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my manager. You are hired.”
Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employee worked diligently and as a team and the company improved tremendously.
The Lessons from this anecdote:
A child who has been protected and habitually given whatever he needs, develops an“entitlement mentality” and always puts himself first. He is ignorant of his parents’ efforts. When he starts work, he assumes every person must listen to him. When he becomes a manager, he will never know the suffering of his employees and always blame others. These kinds of people, may/will achieve good results and may be successful for a while, but eventually will not feel a sense of achievement or satisfaction.
If we happen to be this kind of (protective) parent, this is the time to ask the question – whether we did/do love our children or destroy them.
* You can let your child live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn to play the piano, watch a big screen TV but when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it.
* After a meal, let them wash their plate and bowl together with their brothers and sisters.
* It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love and show them the correct way.
* You want them to understand that no matter how rich their parents are, one day they will grow old, become weak and that their hair too will turn grey.
* The most important thing is for your child to learn how to appreciate, experience and learn the effort and ability needed to work with others in order to get things done. They should also value, appreciate what the parents have done and love them for who they are!